I had a very weird dream early in the morning.. It was peaceful but something was still broken. I really lack of something I guess but I really dont know what is it or what it is supposed to be. I cant replace the things with the other ones because nothing could please me..
Well I know I am such a rebel and evil. Because I am not thankful even for the little things [ who knows maybe I am just wishing for more than usual instead of being glad with what I am given ] Arent we humans always greedy?
Then I just thought I forgot something, dont know I was just dizzy last night and tired so, yeah something important: Reading Cashew's blog.
To my surprise it was English.. But first I just checked the time to get when she typed it all.. Last night ...
English or Finnish doesnt matter, I admit that I read and try to undestand the feelings of her somehow.
She is my best friend. Sometimes telling it verbally doesnt work as long as I cant meet her in person soon and I know that manners are more important than the words. But I feel it, she is very kind and she has great capacity to tolerate me and my all stuff.
Hehe I am boring,
I know it and I am talking too much as well but she needs to know that I dont talk too much if I dont care about that person. It is very hard to end up with new interesting topic everyday.. Most of the time I just hesitate or let it go. But this time I feel as if that person thinks I ignore him/her.
I cant stand seeing people sad especially the ones whom I care too much. We cant be glad all the time I know it too but I am ready to do my best to put smile on people's face.
Sometimes making jokes dont work on her although she acts like she is smiling, I know it as life doesnt only consist of laughter but it is the only way to tear one's self away from the lap of sorrow for a while.
Changing the topic works.
If it is not working anymore then it is better to have an accompany for your tears.
It feels like being alone is the best way to handle with but your mind is already trying to survive from being suffocated by all the thoughts you have, knowing that you keep talking to yourself to blow your mind off.
That is what you want? I dont think so.
I am here all the time.
Just she can smash the door and step in anytime.
She accompanies me all the time whenever I need and why cannot I accompany her when she feels that she needs someone to listen to her?
She is being unfair. Because she doesnt let me work my friendship. Even if she might not like talking, it is also good to keep silence but all together so that she feels I am by her side.
It is better than her telling me lies about her mood or keeping herself isolated.
I know what sentence lies behind the statement "I am fine".
I dont want to nag her mind either.
I want her to know that
Girl just believe in yourself.
Because you have the power to beat everything down.
I picked this song for her.