Sunday, April 7

Connotation Of Assumption ♥

 Which is worse, failing or not trying? 

Now I am pretty sure that you are part of me. Because stars whispered every night in my ears that I am your destiny and it became a matter between us.. You are promised gift to me and I am still struggling to crush your stone heart. Because it is mine, it will always be mine. So I will run like tides, come and go, go and come until I break that stone by the seaside. I wont get tired, I wont get bored, I wont give up.

 Which is worse, when a good friend moves away or when you lose the touch with a good friend who lives right near you? 

You are the one I have always wanted, your warmth, your breath, your eyes, your smile, your everything. You kill the devil in me and make me a good person when I am about to set a huge fire. Maybe I am helpless, I cant think no more because it is like the best dream whenever I have few seconds with you but you dont recognize, it really doesnt matter because you will already be in my arms when you completely recognize :)

 Which is worse, putting trust on everything or not being able to trust anyone? 

I sometimes hate you because I just suffer, as you have the biggest pride but mostly I love you and I admit then remind it to myself... I tried so hard not to fall for you because I knew the consequences but that is a heart matter, I cant help, it wouldnt listen to me and I dont expect anything at all. I can live, I can breathe as long as I feel your presence, it is the only thing I need.

 Which is worse, not being loved or not being trusted by someone who do you care? 

And whenever your soft stare comes, it stays here for a long time, I love that feeling. I am me, a better person. It hurts me if you are hurt and I know people hurt you constantly without thinking you have a heart.So should I be sad or happy because whenever you are hurt, you just remember me.. I dont know if you consider me the sibling of pain but I am everything what you see and I am nothing when you dont see..

Which is worse, just being quiet or being argumentative all the time?

I know you love me too but you always deny, because you are scared and your pride just takes all over you. It is when you become a painful knot in my throat. A sudden scream wants to come out with my sincere tears that washes my face away " I LOVE YOU HELL AND BACK " but it only turns into voiceless whisper when it reaches my lips from my heart. I am more afraid because I lose you in your own depth whenever I am nailing to find you.

 Which is worse, living a lie or being an outcast? 

I swear to God, you love me. You really love me. And you lie to me, you lie to yourself, you lie..You deny us. The uttered sentences dont matter as I believe what I am made to feel. So you love me to death that is how I feel, that is how you make me feel. I know we are like the forbidden fruits to each other because you are there far away, I cant reach, I cant hold, I cant breathe you in me. But this soul still mourns over you, still desires you, still screams out your name. But I cant tell it loud as you stamp my lips everytime. Then you are my biggest silence and my name is on your tongue tip, I swear I know. We hold on to the sweet memories, You cry at nights without me and deep inside, you bury yourself into your own core slowly and I feel like I hear you whenever your precious tears run like river.. They run into me and intermingle with my soul. My lips tremble and push me to say " I love you so hard " but whenever I intend, my tongue gets numb behind my lips.. Because I dont know, maybe I am waiting for the right time. Maybe you are right, I am too coward.

 Which is worse, to be hated or to be forgotten? 

Then someday if you need to pick one of these, to hate or to forget, just hate me as much as you can but please dont ever forget, just keep me somewhere in your heart even if you might give me the little place over there. Because there is nothing would hurt and then kill me but this forgetting matter. Feel me in every breath you take in, I will be watching over you from far and I promise you that no matter whatever happens I will never ever get over you..

And here you touch my weekest spot again whenever I feel stone cold. I cant cool this heart off as long as you dont set me free.. I sobbed again in my bed, I never wished so much like that to die. My existence light got so dim and there was no one with me except my love and my ocean tears.. I dont wanna fight over the simple things so I hold myself back.. Forgive me!!
Just know that ....
Ich kann nicht ohne dich leben :'(
Love you ♥

No, You Love Me But I Mean Nothing At All To You

Agora Meyhanesi

Sana bu satırları
Bir sonbahar gecesinin
Felç olmuş köşesinden yazıyorum.
Beşyüz mumluk ampullerin karanlığında
Saatlerdir, boşalan kadehlere
Şarkılarını dolduruyorum,
Tabağımdaki her zeytin tanesine
Simsiyah bakışlarını koyuyorum*
Ve, kaldırıp kadehimi
Bu rezilcesine yaşamların şerefine içiyorum:
Burası Agora Meyhanesi
Burda yaşar aşkların en madarası
Ve en şahanesi
Burda saçların her teline
Bir galon içilir
Sen, bu sekiz köşeli meyhaneyi bilmezsin
Bu sekiz köşeli meyhane seni bilir.
Burası Agora Meyhanesi
Burası arzularını yitirmiş insanların dünyası.
Şimdi içimde sokak fenerlerinin yalnızlığı
Boşalan ellerimde
Kahreden bir hafiflik.
Bu akşam
Umutlarımı meze yapıp içiyorsam
Elimde değil.
Bu da bir nevi namuslu serserilik.
Dışarıda hafiften bir yağmur var
Bu gece benim gecem
Kadehlerde alaim-i semaların raksettiği,
Gönlümde bütün dertlerin
Hora teptiği gece bu
Camlara vuran her damlada
Seni hatırlıyorum
Ve sana susuzluğumu...
Birazdan plaklarda şarkılar susar,
Kadehler boşalır,
Umutlar tükenir
Mezeler biter
Biraz sonra
Bir mavi ay doğar tepelerden
Bu sarhoş şehrin üstüne,
Birazdan bu yağmur da diner.
Sen bakma benim böyle delice efkarlandığıma,
Mendilimdeki o kızıl lekeye de boşver
Yarın gelir çamaşırcı kadın
Herşeyden habersiz onu da yıkar;
Sen mes'ut ol yeter ki
Ben olmasam ne çıkar.
Dedim ya:
Burası Agora Meyhanesi
Bir tek iyiliğin tüm kötülüklere
Meydan okuduğu yer
Burası Agora Meyhanesi,
Burası kan tüküren
Mes'ut insanların dünyası...