Monday, February 4

No Footsteps On The Ground

I really dont know how to have a good introduction to this entry because I have many things on my mind... I guess I can continue with a song lyrics:
"All of my hate cannot be found, I will not be drowned by your thoughtless screaming and you can try to tear me down, beat me to the ground, I will see you screaming." 
My soul hurts, I just thought I wouldnt be broken again because of the confidence of people are by my side permanently. But no, they are taking sides of others at all. I smile with my tear, so a sound from my inner core says let it go as you cannot bear so much pain as you used to, because I know I am the faulty as I expect too much from people and disappoint myself so deeply when the things dont go right. It is nothing but being naive.
Yeah, the ones we love hurt us the most. I dont need to prove it because it is already proven. The feeling of this grief is already a burden for me so why would I prove? But what was my deadly sin? Trying to embrace pain? It hit me so hard this time that I cannot find myself anymore. Maybe I shouldnt have taken people serious, that was the bliss of my 16s because I was living only for one person and she killed herself.. I am disappointed again. What I learnt is that: no matter how much we try to struggle not to be alone in this live, we are alone indeed. My soul is mine and it is not similar with yours nor it  matches anyone's. It is mine with all of these tragedy, grief, wickedness, cheer, hope.. It is only mine and forever lonely.. So kill one soul to save thousands. I am happy to recognize the fact even it is late.. Now 2nd stage is: it is time to face with it.
Night Night

Dont Leave Me

And wilt thou leave me thus ? 
  Say nay !  say nay !  for shame
  To save thee from the blame
Of all my grief and grame.
And wilt thou leave me thus ?
Say nay ! Say nay ! 
    And wilt thou leave me thus ? 
That hath lov'd thee so long ? 
In wealth and woe among : 
And is thy heart so strong 
As for to leave me thus ? 
Say nay ! Say nay ! 
    And wilt thou leave me thus ? 
That hath given thee my heart 
Never for to depart ; 
Neither for pain nor smart : 
And wilt thou leave me thus ? 
Say nay ! Say nay ! 
    And wilt thou leave me thus ? 
And have no more pity, 
Of him that loveth thee ? 
Alas !  thy cruelty ! 
And wilt thou leave me thus ? 
Say nay ! Say nay !

They Flee From Me

They flee from me that sometime did me seek
With naked foot, stalking in my chamber.
I have seen them gentle, tame, and meek,
That now are wild and do not remember
That sometime they put themself in danger
To take bread at my hand; and now they range,
Busily seeking with a continual change.

Thanked be fortune it hath been otherwise
Twenty times better; but once in special,
In thin array after a pleasant guise,
When her loose gown from her shoulders did fall,
And she me caught in her arms long and small;
Therewithall sweetly did me kiss
And softly said, “Dear heart, how like you this?”

It was no dream: I lay broad waking.
But all is turned thorough my gentleness
Into a strange fashion of forsaking;
And I have leave to go of her goodness,
And she also, to use newfangleness.
But since that I so kindly am served
I would fain know what she hath deserved.

Just Pull The Trigger

I have a problem that I cannot explain to anyone, even my best friends because I tried so many times and they didnt want to get so I am giving up on trying to explain it.. Yeah sometimes you might think someone over there is your soul mate but there are few pieces of you are still undefineable that nobody can ever find a proper answer for this riddle... It is not being mysterious, it is all about perception of the other side, no matter how much you try, they never see, they never feel.
So there is no remedy !
We humans are helpless like that.