Monday, February 4

No Footsteps On The Ground

I really dont know how to have a good introduction to this entry because I have many things on my mind... I guess I can continue with a song lyrics:
"All of my hate cannot be found, I will not be drowned by your thoughtless screaming and you can try to tear me down, beat me to the ground, I will see you screaming." 
My soul hurts, I just thought I wouldnt be broken again because of the confidence of people are by my side permanently. But no, they are taking sides of others at all. I smile with my tear, so a sound from my inner core says let it go as you cannot bear so much pain as you used to, because I know I am the faulty as I expect too much from people and disappoint myself so deeply when the things dont go right. It is nothing but being naive.
Yeah, the ones we love hurt us the most. I dont need to prove it because it is already proven. The feeling of this grief is already a burden for me so why would I prove? But what was my deadly sin? Trying to embrace pain? It hit me so hard this time that I cannot find myself anymore. Maybe I shouldnt have taken people serious, that was the bliss of my 16s because I was living only for one person and she killed herself.. I am disappointed again. What I learnt is that: no matter how much we try to struggle not to be alone in this live, we are alone indeed. My soul is mine and it is not similar with yours nor it  matches anyone's. It is mine with all of these tragedy, grief, wickedness, cheer, hope.. It is only mine and forever lonely.. So kill one soul to save thousands. I am happy to recognize the fact even it is late.. Now 2nd stage is: it is time to face with it.
Night Night

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