Still trying to find an answer for the question "why" ..
Well actually you cannot understand what is flowing in my mind while I am typing these..And I dont really expect to be understood either as it is such a shattered state of mind with full of streams.
Have you ever felt such confused by your feelings? It is something like you dont know whom to hate, whom to be with, and feeling some sort of loneliness among the huge crowd ... I just feel so insecure as there is nobody to trust on this earth.
Words are not enough to express.
I know my english expression style is not that cool either because I am such a mess and my english becomes incomprehensible when my feelings burst out.Besides I talk too much and I suck at it I know..
I live in my own expression world. Sometimes I indirectly mean things under the carpet and sometimes I just utter the sentences which might seem to have double meanings. Nobody has to understand and I dont have to explain either.
I have some dark corners. I like hiding myself to shield as I hesitate to be hurt again and again and over again because I am full of many stories to tell..Maybe I am exhausted to tolerate this life..
I am shallow from outside but the deepest inside.. Sometimes I drown myself deep inside of my thoughts and sometimes I float and sometimes I walk over.. That is my own ocean and I can do whatever I want with it. People just involve themself in if they wish or not.
It is 03:03pm right now
I can swear that I try hard to understand people.. As it is the most significant element to set up a relationship chain maybe. "Understand". So,
First understand
Second accept
Yeah I try to embrace people as the way they are. There is no point in struggling to change people's characteristic features..
Mean is a mean, miser is a miser and cunning should be cunning so that my life extends its color from red to green.. Those vandals are painting my walls and I am watching their art.. It makes me pleased and I know !!!
Of course I have many friends and they dont recognise how much i care about them or they dont really want to recognise. Sometimes they push me and pull me but I really dont mind although I am sometimes fed up with. I love holding on them because I believe in the kidness of their nature. I can describe my friendship with this metaphor. "Weather condition".. Most of the time I am sun and my friends never look at me with their bare eyes because they are afraid of getting blind.. Sometimes I hide behind the clouds when I heat them up too much and I blow some wind to cool off then rain over them.. When I get hurt I just send them some lightening and thunder but I dont destroy their world as rain is necessary for them..Sometimes they think I disappeared at all because day time ends and night time begins.. but NO, you know that I am struggling to lighten the other lands as there is always sun but it is only you the problem because you cant see the sun all the time if you turn your back to it but you can feel it everyday. So no matter what happens I am stable over there and I give my friends the chance of watching my sunrise and sunset as a gift...
ohh okay that is too much literature and drama..
I cant hate nor hurt the people whom I love even though they sometimes hate/hurt me.. Yeah I tell that I hate people but it is just a fucking lie to hide behind my anger.
As a conclusion:
All i know is that I am too honest, caring for this world..I am excluded because there lies blunt side in me and some people dont like to hear the truths..
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