Friday, March 8

Letters Of Art

Last night, many many sick thoughts surrounded my mind that I was not myself for sure.
Self harm - intermediate level..
I hurt myself so bad that nobody knows about it, I headed to my cousin in the morning because I didnt want anyone notice. Ha it made me feel guilty again but anyway. Luckily cuts stopped bleeding otherwise my cousin would go more crazy. She took me to park so we talked for a long time but it didnt make me relieved.. The only useful thing she did was to give me the cream for healing the wounds on my legs after all screaming out when I showed her what I have done and of course she frowned.. I dont care, I dont have any value nor my presence mean something for them.. But still she wanted to talk to my friends to protect me.. At least it made me feel a bit that I am owned, but still I am damn all alone because she would never understand me. I cant find peace anywhere. Then she gave damn to M and bf and all my friends which made me laugh. Because it reminded me of her last boxing match with M and K. She tried to be more evil than she could be and it made her fail at all. Silly her, but she tried to protect me.. So I gave her my mobile because she was angry to curse everyone on my contact list but she didnt dare.. I just asked her if she can hug me while I am sleeping.. It is something I need the most these days as nobody embraces me even not my mom.. I just needed a place to feel someone cares me even if it is little.. So I fell asleep few hours on my cousin's bed and she went to send letters for bubbles and theo. They were already late to be sent but I dont know why I carried them with me in my bag.

Now I am back to home.. Whenever I feel like studying I find any other reason to do other stuff.. Maybe I am so done with everything..
I read some lines from Emily Dickinson.

Back to my ipad after a long time

Today's poem maybe

I am nobody, who are you?
Are you nobody too?

Well Said

I am giving up on myself forever...
If I could see tomorrow it will be the greatest miracle that one could ever have
And personally I dont believe in miracles anymore because humans hold their own destiny in their own hands.
So I close my eyes soon for the desire of eternal sleeping..
I am doomed, I am so doomed..
So please
Dont try to wake me up, it is in vain, because I will never hear a simple sound on this earth ever again.