Sunday, October 21

"Dont Wanna" List

# I dont wanna talk to anyone today
# I dont wanna read any book
# I dont wanna get older
# I dont wanna have backpain
# I dont wanna see meat
# I dont wanna study
# I dont wanna smile
# I dont wanna love
# I dont wanna wear my eyeglasses
# I dont wanna sleep
# I dont wanna get notifications
# I dont wanna mom come in my room
# I dont wanna text my sister
# I dont wanna pick up calls
# I dont wanna do anything

Probably I am depressed ...

The Last Song I am Wasting On You

There are certain songs and singers that i identified them with some important people or friends in my life...

Song - Singer - The Person

My Immortal / Justin Timberlake >> Ayça
Bana Anlat / Enrique Iglesias >> Gamze
Ignorance / One Direction >> Tuğba
Ellen / Ricky Martin >> Monica
Metaphor / John Petrucci >> Katja
Breathe no more / Pitbull >> Mustafa
100% Jesus / Static-x >> Ashley
Mies Murtuu / Damien Rice >> Kaisa
Yağmurlar / Şebnem Ferah >> Feyhan
Enjoy the silence / Depeche mode >> Krista
All around me / System Of A Down >> Jenni
So I thought / Avril Lavigne >> Brittany
Seni unutsaydım beklermiydim hiç / DJ Onur >> Demet
Where have you been / Yalın >> Ayşegül
Bad Romance / Sakis >> Buket
Nakare me / Gülşen >> Betül
Call me when you are sober / Celine Dion >> Menna
Keep bleeding Love / Red Hot Chili Peppers >> Aysun
Give me everything tonight / Kesha >> Kübra
She will be loved / The Beatles >> Mr. Dean
Sad but true / Marc Antony >> Yeşim
Not to love you / Gökhan Türkmen >> Ayşe
Hero / Amr Khan >> Rohit
You were mine / Muse >> Kitty
Breathe easy / Amy Winehouse >> Sinem teacher

Oh Again?

Today I woke up early again around 7am.Actually it has been the same for about 3 weeks, I would be sleeping till 10am normally but waking up early is better I guess, because I have more daytime span to spend.

Besides I will be much more glad if I could get over this stupid pathetic mood as well..

Well I am not kidding.. In the morning I looked in the mirror but it felt like I am meaningless. Something is wrong and I cant explain to myself. I absorb all the negative thoughts and then I am trying to give off cheer&happiness and motivation to spread all around but how about myself?

"Tailor cant sew his own rip"

There is always strength in me to help my friends but I lack of it when it comes to me. I have no cure for myself, no motivation to go through and there is no one to recognise. If I always smile, it doesnt mean I am always glad..How strong do you think I could be? I am a humanbeing as well.. For sure I will have some weak points.

I spend my days in vain by waiting for happiness to come my way. I expect too much I guess..

Yeah sometimes I feel like that suicidal as I mean nothing maybe..

Why people think that I am the happiest? I just might not be able to take this anymore :(

I have many friends that I cant even count. But none of them took the first step yet. I just bother to greet and ask how they are almost everyday and they avoid of telling me simple hi. I knock at least 10 friends' door and there is no feedback.. Or I am the only one who just give disturbance.

It doesnt have to be my crush to text me in order to make me excited. It could be anyone random or an old friend... I can admit that I love and care people.

Whoever you are, I have always depended on kindness of strangers

Melancholy just give up on my way... Dont face with me as I just ruin the things.

But it isnt even a nice solution.. I am such a fool :( It wouldnt work even if I just ..... whewww, my lower lip curved out again :(

I just want to have piece of mind, NOT that drowning in my deep thoughts. Even if I am lonely, I dont wanna feel I am left all alone.