Here Opens The World My Window

Something again woke me up from my deep dreams early in the morning..I dont need alarm clock anymore as I got used to waking up by myself..My room was orange, yeah it was the time of sunrise ^^ So I got up and slided the curtains to the right. I checked outside in my night gown whether the guy in next apartment at his window or not as I really feel sick of him.. Eventually I took these pictures from my window.. Well not that good but I just wanted to add over here.. Tomorrow I wont be home for few days so it was better not to miss my chance to watch outside because I will miss home for sure...

Ohh by the way winter is coming slowly..This will be my first winter after 4 years studying time in another city.. Climate is warmer in my hometown comparing in the city I studied.. Probably it is snowing there already and I am missing it :(((( But it is raining here now ^^ So it is better to go out and take a walk.. See you!

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2/20 Flags Of The World

C A N A D A

If someone asked me to fraw canadian flag I would suck at it as i am not really good at drawing.. I would just paint a white paper into red from each sides and leave the middle of the page empty xD But you know sometimes being practical doesnt work on things..Anyway

>>> OTTAWA, QUEBEC, TORONTO, MONTREAL <<<
Are the places to go !!! For sure
Keywords: ice hockey, waterfall, legal gay marriage, melting pot, French, stupid countryside boys, canadian independency, morgen stern, northern lights, immigrants, turkish markets, no certain culture, cold weather <3 warm and cute people, canadian curling team [they were cute in 2011 Universiade, Winter olympics at my university city]

Ohhh I wanna go skating over there ^^

How wonderful it could be if I just spent christmas time in canada !! I love everything cold so it doesnt matter...

Sisterhood ^^

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I Heard The Words Come Out

Heyo team blogger, wassup guys?
Today was an another simple day until I had to see a doctor..
I had a very serious diagnosis. It is sad already because it will change my life great deal..

Recently I have been complaining about my weight although my body looked so normal as I never seemed so fat even mom was yelling at me that unless I eat my meals I look like a pale skeleton..But I came up with this suddenly [it is not obesity] .. Just I need to have a strict diet and lose 14kg within a month. Probably I will really look like a skeleton this time.. But I have to because this disease ...

Bye..

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1/20 Flags Of The World

There are some countries I really would like to travel because I really love travelling and learning about culture, tradition and anything new which is interesting...

I T A L Y

I wish I could see all the countries and cities of the world but I dont think I will have such a long life to travel everywhere so I had to eliminate them all and picked up some cities to visit.

>>> R O M E and V E N I C E <<<
Cities of romanticism and ancient warriors...
keywords: flowers, gladiators, serenade, vessels, pizza tower, handsome but hairy guys, education
-- just these come to my mind when I hear of these cities xD

Peace at home, peace in the world..

Brotherhood. ^^

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I Am Such A Mess

Morning. It is 09:09 am right now and I have been awake for 2 hours already..

Still trying to find an answer for the question "why" ..

Well actually you cannot understand what is flowing in my mind while I am typing these..And I dont really expect to be understood either as it is such a shattered state of mind with full of streams.

Have you ever felt such confused by your feelings? It is something like you dont know whom to hate, whom to be with, and feeling some sort of loneliness among the huge crowd ... I just feel so insecure as there is nobody to trust on this earth.

Words are not enough to express.
I know my english expression style is not that cool either because I am such a mess and my english becomes incomprehensible when my feelings burst out.Besides I talk too much and I suck at it I know..

I live in my own expression world. Sometimes I indirectly mean things under the carpet and sometimes I just utter the sentences which might seem to have double meanings. Nobody has to understand and I dont have to explain either.

I have some dark corners. I like hiding myself to shield as I hesitate to be hurt again and again and over again because I am full of many stories to tell..Maybe I am exhausted to tolerate this life..

I am shallow from outside but the deepest inside.. Sometimes I drown myself deep inside of my thoughts and sometimes I float and sometimes I walk over.. That is my own ocean and I can do whatever I want with it. People just involve themself in if they wish or not.

It is 03:03pm right now
I can swear that I try hard to understand people.. As it is the most significant element to set up a relationship chain maybe. "Understand". So,
First understand
Second accept
Yeah I try to embrace people as the way they are. There is no point in struggling to change people's characteristic features..
Mean is a mean, miser is a miser and cunning should be cunning so that my life extends its color from red to green.. Those vandals are painting my walls and I am watching their art.. It makes me pleased and I know !!!

Of course I have many friends and they dont recognise how much i care about them or they dont really want to recognise. Sometimes they push me and pull me but I really dont mind although I am sometimes fed up with. I love holding on them because I believe in the kidness of their nature. I can describe my friendship with this metaphor. "Weather condition".. Most of the time I am sun and my friends never look at me with their bare eyes because they are afraid of getting blind.. Sometimes I hide behind the clouds when I heat them up too much and I blow some wind to cool off then rain over them.. When I get hurt I just send them some lightening and thunder but I dont destroy their world as rain is necessary for them..Sometimes they think I disappeared at all because day time ends and night time begins.. but NO, you know that I am struggling to lighten the other lands as there is always sun but it is only you the problem because you cant see the sun all the time if you turn your back to it but you can feel it everyday. So no matter what happens I am stable over there and I give my friends the chance of watching my sunrise and sunset as a gift...
ohh okay that is too much literature and drama..

I cant hate nor hurt the people whom I love even though they sometimes hate/hurt me.. Yeah I tell that I hate people but it is just a fucking lie to hide behind my anger.

As a conclusion:
All i know is that I am too honest, caring for this world..I am excluded because there lies blunt side in me and some people dont like to hear the truths..

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Multi Lingua Franca

Hey..
Well these days I have been immensely busy with the stuff all around..4 days holiday as it is sacrifice feast in islam world. Yeah I just feel strange each sacrifice feast. It is because I dont like meat nor killing animals besides I faint when I see blood which troubles me all the time.

Yesterday we had some guests consist of my kinsmen :) of course majority of my family.. We have tradition that everyone visits each other on those special religious feasts.

This is the second time I began to dislike africans. Let me tell the reason. My uncle's daughter just brought a south african with her.. In English I just told her "Happy eid, welcome to my house, how are you?" She just looked at my face as if I did something wrong :DD
My cousin asked me to greet my uncle in english too who doesnt know english, not even any language :D
I was like that "heyy my uncieee, whatsup? and he even said "ich liebe dich" and we laughed and I said.. "ich auch, ich auch" and he didnt understand me pppphahahahaha..
I served her some cake dessert and cookies and of course all the rest of guests too but she looked at me with an empty eyes..This made me freak out indeed.. At least there is a sentence like "thank you"... My uncle said "merci beaucoup" and I said "rica ederim" in turkish.. So in kitchen I asked my cousin if african doesnt know english? she said african is speaking 4 languages included english and turkish. Ohh I just called "little bitch" inside and smiling outside :DDD
While they were leaving I said my unciee "Adios guapo" hahaha..
The girl who doesnt know how to thank just hugged and kissed me.. Wtf??

Never mind.. In the evening my sister visited with my bro in law and ofc my nephew and niece.
My nephew is 7 years old and niece 15. I just sat with my niece and my nephew gave me some play-dough to make him something.. I just made snake,slug,turtle etc.. Suddenly something flew in my mind..I said my nephew not to watch me as I will surprise him.
I made a dick and its balls besides I added penis head and little hole :DDD it made my niece giggle so loud that he turned around and watched the little thing then asked "Auntieee, what is it??" "uhmm it is a microphone Enes." LOLOLOL then he showed the balls and asked "aunt what is it? " Enes, It is a king of supportive legs so that microphone stands still" ahahaha.. I know I am so wicked...

I know I am not that perfect but at least such a nice dick ohh sorry microphone standing in my hand...

This one shows obviously what it looks like.. We laughed all through the night...Probably a very hard microphone :D so dont lick the microphone !!!

Photos by my niece :DDDD

But Tonight I Am Fucking You

View from my window 3days ago.. It was raining in the stillest hour or a night.

Tonight. It is raining as well..
Love the rain so that it rains over me.

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Still I Dont Feel Like Doing Anything

Well today I have nothing interesting to type over here. I feel so empty and this is the first time I have such an unproductive day. No poems, no short stories. I didnt even move my pen today even though there are some nights that I wake up from my deep sleep trying to find pen and pencil so urgently to write some lines whenever I am inspired.
I love this way and I would really bother to get up from such a sweet and warm bed for few lines. I wouldnt be able to sleep back otherwise...

It is my little notebook, few days ago I bought it because I liked the writing on it... I wanna live my life just for few seconds without thinking of anything, that would be the only way for me to be free. I cant be free if my mind is not free.. But how will I do that while my mind is like a garbage can? I am confused with my feelings, I doubt as I might do something that I dont really want to or I am doing something which I am not sincere while doing it...

I like collecting key chains.. I just buy them from the different cities I visit, especially I pick up the key chains which exactly reflects the city by itself.. Sometimes my friends also give me some weird key chains which they think I might like. But I dont have many keys to use all of these key chains xD

Besides I needed to add what fruit was there in today's fruit menu

Pomegranate.. yummy

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A Lot Weirrrddd

This is the 5th day and probably I wont look at clock ever again xD

"Dont Wanna" List

# I dont wanna talk to anyone today
# I dont wanna read any book
# I dont wanna get older
# I dont wanna have backpain
# I dont wanna see meat
# I dont wanna study
# I dont wanna smile
# I dont wanna love
# I dont wanna wear my eyeglasses
# I dont wanna sleep
# I dont wanna get notifications
# I dont wanna mom come in my room
# I dont wanna text my sister
# I dont wanna pick up calls
# I dont wanna do anything

Probably I am depressed ...

The Last Song I am Wasting On You

There are certain songs and singers that i identified them with some important people or friends in my life...

Song - Singer - The Person

My Immortal / Justin Timberlake >> Ayça
Bana Anlat / Enrique Iglesias >> Gamze
Ignorance / One Direction >> Tuğba
Ellen / Ricky Martin >> Monica
Metaphor / John Petrucci >> Katja
Breathe no more / Pitbull >> Mustafa
100% Jesus / Static-x >> Ashley
Mies Murtuu / Damien Rice >> Kaisa
Yağmurlar / Şebnem Ferah >> Feyhan
Enjoy the silence / Depeche mode >> Krista
All around me / System Of A Down >> Jenni
So I thought / Avril Lavigne >> Brittany
Seni unutsaydım beklermiydim hiç / DJ Onur >> Demet
Where have you been / Yalın >> Ayşegül
Bad Romance / Sakis >> Buket
Nakare me / Gülşen >> Betül
Call me when you are sober / Celine Dion >> Menna
Keep bleeding Love / Red Hot Chili Peppers >> Aysun
Give me everything tonight / Kesha >> Kübra
She will be loved / The Beatles >> Mr. Dean
Sad but true / Marc Antony >> Yeşim
Not to love you / Gökhan Türkmen >> Ayşe
Hero / Amr Khan >> Rohit
You were mine / Muse >> Kitty
Breathe easy / Amy Winehouse >> Sinem teacher

Oh Again?

Today I woke up early again around 7am.Actually it has been the same for about 3 weeks, I would be sleeping till 10am normally but waking up early is better I guess, because I have more daytime span to spend.

Besides I will be much more glad if I could get over this stupid pathetic mood as well..

Well I am not kidding.. In the morning I looked in the mirror but it felt like I am meaningless. Something is wrong and I cant explain to myself. I absorb all the negative thoughts and then I am trying to give off cheer&happiness and motivation to spread all around but how about myself?

"Tailor cant sew his own rip"

There is always strength in me to help my friends but I lack of it when it comes to me. I have no cure for myself, no motivation to go through and there is no one to recognise. If I always smile, it doesnt mean I am always glad..How strong do you think I could be? I am a humanbeing as well.. For sure I will have some weak points.

I spend my days in vain by waiting for happiness to come my way. I expect too much I guess..

Yeah sometimes I feel like that suicidal as I mean nothing maybe..

Why people think that I am the happiest? I just might not be able to take this anymore :(

I have many friends that I cant even count. But none of them took the first step yet. I just bother to greet and ask how they are almost everyday and they avoid of telling me simple hi. I knock at least 10 friends' door and there is no feedback.. Or I am the only one who just give disturbance.

It doesnt have to be my crush to text me in order to make me excited. It could be anyone random or an old friend... I can admit that I love and care people.

Whoever you are, I have always depended on kindness of strangers

Melancholy just give up on my way... Dont face with me as I just ruin the things.

But it isnt even a nice solution.. I am such a fool :( It wouldnt work even if I just ..... whewww, my lower lip curved out again :(

I just want to have piece of mind, NOT that drowning in my deep thoughts. Even if I am lonely, I dont wanna feel I am left all alone.

A bit weird

Just within 3 days whenever I unlocked my mobile ... Probably I will be dead at the end of 5th day LOL.

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